The Fire In My Eyes Read online

  “I don't get it.”

  “You said no. I kept walking. That's all it takes, man. If she's not interested, she says no, you both get on with life.” He shrugged. “That's why I don't think I'm the right guy to ask for advice on this. It's simple, but guys like you and Max and Andreas make it into this huge thing. Your life isn’t going to come to a screeching halt if she says no. That's why Max hasn't asked Jess out, he's afraid she'll say no.”

  “But what if she does?” I knew it was a stupid question, but I just didn't have his level of self-confidence. “I like her and we're getting to be good friends. What if I ask her out and she doesn't want to be friends anymore?”

  Drew sighed and stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. “Look. You both know what you want from the other. Now you need to find out what the other wants from you. Flip the situation, man. If you were only interested in her as a friend, but she wanted more, would you really be comfortable around her? No, right?”

  “No,” I admitted. “But-”

  “No buts. Look, I went to senior prom with this amazingly hot girl, took her to a hotel that night, had amazingly hot sex with her, and never talked to her again after that night.”

  “Why would you do that?” I asked.

  “Because we were both looking for a hot prom date, a fun night, and a great memory. I was going away to school up here and she was staying local. Honestly, she was a whiny little bitch. No way was I going to get serious with someone like that, let alone try a long distance relationship with her.” Drew poked a finger into my shoulder, driving me a step back. “The point is that we both knew what we wanted, we were up front about it, and neither of us played games. My advice, if you want to get serious with this girl, ask her out and make your intentions known straight up. If she's not interested, move on. Don't disrespect her by playing games, and make sure she doesn't play you either.”

  I stood there for a moment. While I didn't have Drew's level of confidence, he was right. I had just met Nikki, and if she turned me down, it wouldn't be that big a deal. I had only known her for a couple of weeks, after all, so there wasn't much to lose. I had problems making new friends, but this was a new place and a new start.

  Drew slapped my shoulder. “Kev?”

  “Sorry. Just thinking.” We started walking downhill toward campus again. “You're right. I'm going to ask her out after class next week. Earlier if I run into her.”

  “You don't have her number? Or what dorm she lives in?”

  I shook my head. “She's got a night class on Wednesdays, so she leaves after we eat, and I've never asked her what dorm she's in or for her phone number. I'm a dumbass, right?”

  “Yup,” he said. “But you're learning, man! You're growing more balls in a month than Max has in a year. At least where girls are concerned. You ever had a girlfriend before?”

  I shrugged. “I guess.”

  “You guess?” Drew laughed. “I bet it was one of those awkward high school things where you were friends and just ended up being around each other so much, everyone thought you were going out anyways, so you did.”

  “What the hell, Drew? Did you spy on me during high school? Read my mind? Read my diary?”

  “You keep a diary? Freak.”

  I sighed. “Figure of speech. It's like you know what I'm going to say before I say it.”

  “Hey, don't sweat it, man. I've been friends with lots of people through high school and college and I've seen plenty of beta types like you go through the same thing. So tell me what happened with this girl. I promise I won't predict what happened.”

  I didn't say anything right away. This was the reason why I had left in the first place. “You're close,” I finally said. “We were friends through high school. Got closer as it ended. Ended up spending a lot of time together, and then I just figured we'd take the next step.”

  “What happened?”

  I shook my head. “She transferred.”

  “Where?”

  “Berkeley.”

  Drew winced. “Damn. Did you try a long distance relationship?”

  “No.” I didn't want to talk about it. Just remembering it was painful enough.

  “What was her name?”

  “Her name was Stephanie. Hey, what about Lisa?” I asked.

  Drew stopped dead again. “What about her?”

  “Did you ask her out again?” I wanted to change the subject, and I was curious as to whether Drew followed his own advice. I figured he was the sort of guy who would walk the walk as well as talk the talk, unlike Max.

  He shrugged. “Not yet. After that other night, I've been avoiding her. Still recovering.”

  “I'm surprised you're still interested after that,” I said.

  “She called me the next day and apologized,” he told me. “She was very serious about it, man, she felt bad. See, I'm going to give you some advanced tips. It's all about the balance of power. Now that I'm the wounded party for once, I have the balance, and I'm letting her squirm for a while to get her worked up. You have to keep your distance, Kev, otherwise they don't think anything of you, cause they already have all of you they want.”

  “I think I've learned more in the last few minutes than I have in all my classes so far,” I said.

  “And my lessons are probably more useful in real life,” he said.

  We both started to laugh, and then everything went to hell. I heard a car's engine roar from behind us and we both spun around. Bright lights came on, blindingly white, heading right for us. There wasn't time to think, only time to react.

  Drew was on the inner side of the sidewalk, closer to the row of houses. I pushed him with one hand, as hard as I could. He flew out of the way, out of my field of vision. I caught a look of surprise on his face just before I lost track of him, and then it was just the car and me.

  I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see it happen. I didn't want to see the impact. Didn't want to see the world spin around me. Didn't want to see the ground rush up and hit me. Didn't want to feel that pain.

  Fuck that. I didn't want to die.

  I opened my eyes and jumped, straight up in the air, as hard as I could, as high as I could. I thought that even if I could just land on the hood and roll over the roof and off the back of the car, I could make it with fewer injuries. I might even look awesome in the process, like something out of a movie. Even if there weren't any witnesses, I could imagine what it would actually look like.

  I never imagined I would jump high enough for the car to pass completely under me.

  A rush of air buffeted my legs as the car roared through where I had just been standing. In the dimness of the evening, I couldn't tell the exact color of the car, but I did notice small details as I hung in midair. The windshield wipers were on. There was a thin crust of snow stuck to the roof. The car was actually traveling slightly slantwise, not straight along its axis as cars normally do. As it passed under me, I twisted to watch it continue forward. One of the taillights was out. There was no license plate.

  The ground then proceeded to rush up and hit me.

  I laid there in a daze. I hadn't landed on my head, but my legs had buckled on landing and I ended up flat on my back. Spread-eagled on the sidewalk, I contemplated the stars, the moon, and how amazingly lucky I was to be alive. I lifted a hand up toward the sky to see if I could figure out how many fingers I was holding up.

  Two fingers, shaded green. My temples throbbed. I squeezed my eyes closed and curled up on my side. The pain in my head grew and I held back a sob. My head hurt, my back hurt, my legs hurt, my heart pounded and I couldn't breathe and all the weird things that I had been trying to forget over the past two weeks were all coming back. I just wanted to live a normal college life, and now this was happening again. I could almost hear Ripley's voice warning me about others looking to neutralize me. Was that a warning or a threat? Was that what had just happened?

  “Kevin! Kev! Holy shit, are you ok?” I felt a thump as Drew crashed down to the side of me. “
Dude, answer me! Are you ok? Did it hit you?”

  “No,” I managed to say through clenched teeth.

  “I'm going to call an ambulance,” he said. “Hang on, man, hang on!”

  “No!” I said it louder. “I'm fine. Don't worry. Wind knocked out of me.”

  I felt his hand grab my shoulder. “Kev, are you really all right? What happened? Look at me man, I can't tell if you're hurt or not!”

  I tried to shake his hand off and closed my eyes even tighter. The headache was starting to fade away. I didn't want to open my eyes until it was gone. “Don't. Give me a minute. Ok?”

  “Ok.” His grip loosened, then let go. “Man. I didn't think you were that strong.”

  “Strong?”

  “You pushed me like twenty feet away! Sent me flying over that snow bank, I think I did a complete flip. Almost landed on my head!” Drew sounded almost in awe. “Crazy, man, totally crazy. I don't know why that guy was so out of control, he must have hit the gas at just the wrong time. It's not that slippery on the roads tonight. Dude, seriously, I had no idea how strong you are! How much can you bench?”

  “No idea.” I wondered if the driver had really been out of control. I hadn't heard a car until the engine had revved, and the evening had been quiet. I didn't want to bring Drew into my private paranoia. “Probably just a bad driver,” I said.

  “How'd you get out of the way?” Drew asked.

  “Jumped.” I took a deep breath and proceeded to lie. “Must have timed it right. Hit the hood, rolled over the car.”

  Drew whistled. “Just like a movie stunt, right? I'm surprised you pulled that shit off, that's awesome! You're going to be a mass of bruises tomorrow. You sure you don't want to go to the infirmary, just in case? I really don't think you should mess around with this sort of thing, man.”

  “No, I'm fine, really,” I said. “Just winded. And I guess a bit of shock. I didn't expect to make it through that either. Wow.” I laughed and I slowly cracked my eyes open to peer at my hands. The headache was gone and there was no green tint to my vision. I turned my head and looked up at Drew. He didn't freak out, so I assumed that my eyes were normal again.

  He helped me sit up and we just sat there on the sidewalk for a minute, both breathing heavily. I looked in the direction that I had pushed him, directly into someone's yard. There were obvious places in the snow where he had tumbled. The final marks were about twenty feet away from the sidewalk, almost to the house itself. There was no way I could have pushed him that far normally. Adrenaline spike, most likely. I looked back at Drew and saw that his left cheek was scraped and bleeding.

  “You ok?” I asked him, indicating his face.

  He put his hand to his cheek, then winced. “Yeah, that stings. No big deal.”

  “This wasn't the exercise I was expecting tonight,” I said.

  Drew stared at me, and then began to laugh. After a moment, I joined him. It was bizarre, just like everything else that seemed to happen to me at this school. We had just survived a life or death situation and all I could do now was crack a joke about it and laugh until my ribs hurt.

  When we could breathe again, we started to get to our feet. We were both somewhat unsteady. Drew spun around quickly and nearly fell down. I laughed and tried to steady him, but he shook me off. “Dude, where'd the car go?”

  I blinked. That hadn't even crossed my mind. We had been on the sidewalk, and the car had been coming for us from behind. It had gone right under me. I followed the trajectory of where the car should have gone, directly into a house further down the street. Tracks cut through the snow on the lawn, but the driver had apparently recovered control just in time. A tight arc led off the lawn, over the curb, and back onto the street. I squinted and thought I could see taillights. “Looks like he got away.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with that guy?” Drew was fuming. “He nearly flattened us, and he couldn’t even check and see if we were ok? Son of a bitch.”

  “Maybe he was just freaked out about losing control of the car like that?” I asked.

  Drew shook his head. “I don’t buy it. The streets are clear, not slippery, and there’s no turn or curve here. No reason for him to be coming at us.”

  I considered that and didn’t like what came to mind. Ripley’s warning echoed through my head. “Maybe we should just go back to the dorm,” I said. “I'm exhausted. That was more than enough exercise for me, to tell you the truth.”

  “Nope.” Drew pointed downhill. “We're going to the gym and we're going to play until we can't walk.”

  I groaned. “You can't be serious.”

  “Totally serious. I need to do something to get this off my mind or I'm going to go nuts trying to figure it all out. And you, you need to stretch and work out so you don't get completely stiff tomorrow.” He led the way downhill, and after a moment, I followed him.

  “You know, if we play that hard, I'm not going to be able to get out of bed in the morning,” I said.

  “Me too.”

  “So why are we doing it?”

  “Because we have to get our minds off women and cars. Since we're guys, all that leaves for us to think about is sports. Right?”

  I stared at him. “Are you sure you're the sane one here?”

  “Pretty sure, why?”

  “No reason.” I lifted my arms up in the air and stretched them out over my head, then felt a satisfying crack from my shoulders. “No reason at all.”

  Chapter Five

  “An anti-Valentine's Day movie night? Seriously?”

  “Completely,” Lisa said, planting her hands on her hips. “We’re going to get together and watch terrible action movies and wear all black and have a good time. That's what I've decided we're going to do.”

  “Sounds like fun,” Drew said. “I don't have anything lined up this year. What about you?”

  “I don’t know,” Max said. “It sounds pretty lame, Lisa. I'd rather be alone with my thoughts and a bottle of whatever I can steal from Andreas.”

  “Jess is coming.”

  Max closed his mouth with a snap. “I think I could grow to hate you,” he ground out through clenched teeth.

  Lisa smiled at him. “You're too easy to read. Can I tell her? I'll be completely honest and tell her Maxie Pendleton is smitten and lusting for her. It is lust, isn't it?”

  “I need a smoke.” He yanked his desk drawer open.

  As he stormed out, Lisa called after him, “You are coming, aren't you?” A grunt was all the response he made before stomping down the hall. I chuckled. “He's going to show up,” Lisa said. “You guys can tell him it's at eight, ok? Is that good for both of you?”

  “Hey, I didn't say I was coming,” I protested.

  Lisa looked at me, then stepped closer to Drew. She tugged at his shirt and he leaned over to listen to her. He was nearly as tall sitting as she was standing. “Did he get a girlfriend?” she stage-whispered to him.

  “He was talking about this one girl the other day,” he whispered back.

  “Do they have a date tonight?”

  “I'm not sure if he ever did ask her out, actually.”

  I rubbed my forehead. “No, I don't have a girlfriend. I didn't ask her out yet.” True to Drew's prediction, I had woken up the morning after the near accident a mass of bruises and hadn't been able to move, let alone go to classes. It was a good excuse to put off my plans.

  They sighed together. “Poor Kev,” Lisa said. “Well, Kaitlyn's coming tonight. Maybe you'll be interested in her! I think she's bringing her roommate too.”

  Drew rubbed the back of his head. “Kaitlyn? People are only interested in her for one reason and it ain't her brains. Well, two reasons.”

  “Oh, she's one of those?” I asked. Drew cupped his hands in front of his chest. Lisa smacked him in the back of the head and glared at me. “Totally one of those,” I concluded.

  “She is not!” Drew started to laugh and she smacked him again. “Ok, she is, but she's not that bad! Stop laughi
ng!” She smacked him a third time and he laughed even harder.

  “She's a total valley girl,” Drew said when he had recovered enough to speak. He held his hands up to block any more attacks from Lisa. She only glared. “Pretty, but empty. Sorry, Lisa, I know you like her, but it's the truth.”

  “Stop telling the truth then!” She smacked his arms. “And put your hands down. I'm going to beat you up now.”

  “Look, short stack, I could put my hand on your forehead and hold you at arm's length. It’d be just like the old cartoons. You'd be swinging and swinging but your stubby little arms would never be able to reach.”

  “Short stack?” Lisa's voice screeched up at least two octaves. “Stubby? Andrew Grant, you're going to get your ass kicked, right now! Stand up and fight like a man! We'll take this outside!”

  Drew stood up. The top of Lisa's head came up to about mid-chest on him. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Bring it on!” she declared, putting her fists up in front of her.

  I had to leave before my laughter caught Lisa's attention. While Drew was probably immune to future violence from her, I wasn't sure if I was. Watching them flirt was a little uncomfortable. I walked outside to see if I could find Max. He was smoking a few feet from the door, leaning against the wall and muttering to himself.

  I stepped up beside him and he glared at me. “What?”

  “They're having a bit of a fight up there,” I said.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. I decided to leave before it turned into something sappy.”

  “Sappy.” Max blew a cloud of smoke into the air. “Yeah, that's what will happen. I hate Valentine's Day.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Well, you know how my family’s pretty well off? Back in high school, I got conned by a gold digger. She was a nice average girl, barely came on to me, which was a change from all the other gold diggers. I thought she was for real. She wasn’t. Senior prom rolls around, I go to pick her up in a limo and she answers the door in sweatpants. Says she can’t keep lying to me. She closes the door, I leave roses on her doorstep, and go back home.” He stubbed his cigarette out against the wall. “Sometimes I wonder what happened to her.”