The Ashes of My Soul Read online

She sighed. “Enough about this. Tell me about your school experiences while we wash up.”

  We spent the next twenty minutes trading embarrassing school anecdotes while making sure every dish was spotless. Once we were done, we moved to the couch and continued to talk. Once we hit a lull in the conversation, she looked away and sighed. “I really wish you could stay here. I want to live together and not worry about anything.”

  “I wish I could stop worrying about people I care about getting hurt. Or worse.”

  “Like Jessy’s roommate, right? Lisa?”

  A lump formed in my throat and it took me a moment to say anything. “Yeah. She was the sweetest girl I’ve ever known. You would have liked her. Everyone liked her. Everyone except Nikki.”

  “That bitch didn’t like her? Shocking.” Star looked back at me. “She drove away the good people in her life. Crazy.”

  “I drove myself away too,” I said. “But you know what, the writing was on the wall when she got into a fight with Lisa. A literal fight. I admit, sometimes I thought I’d made a mistake, but after what she said then, I knew we’d never get back together.”

  “Made a mistake getting with me?”

  I shrugged. This wasn’t a comfortable topic, much less talking about it twice in one day. “Only the way I went about it.”

  “But you could still be with her if it wasn’t for me.”

  “I don’t want to be with her. Besides, she’s gone. Studying abroad, hopefully for good. They can keep her.”

  Star was still studying me. “I do feel a little guilty. You told me you had a girlfriend and I went for it anyways. Does that make me a bad person?”

  “No worse a person than me. I could have stopped you.”

  “I’m not so sure.”

  I chuckled and she finally smiled again. “It’s on both of us. Do you believe once a cheater, always a cheater?”

  “Cheater?” Her smile fell.

  “It’s true. Can’t deny it.”

  “Does it bother you?” she asked.

  “Not a lot.” I wasn’t being completely truthful. The constant suspicion was wearing thin and Max still managed to work a few barbs in, but I deserved it. “I’ll just have to earn some trust back. I don’t regret it though. She was a nightmare and you’re a fairytale.”

  “You know, fairytales in their original form are pretty fucking scary.”

  “Just like you.”

  She stuck her tongue out at me, then clutched her stomach. “Sorry. I haven’t been myself today. Not feeling great.”

  “So that’s why you didn’t jump me as soon as Grace left.”

  “Sorry to disappoint.”

  “I’m surprised, since you have such a one track mind.”

  She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me again. “Flatterer. I’m upset with myself. I got a new bed yesterday and I was looking forward to breaking it.”

  “Breaking it in, you mean?”

  “I said what I meant and I meant what I said.”

  We grinned at each other and for a moment I wanted to carry her off into her room. A skilled psion like her could knock out any sort of upset stomach with a couple minutes of work. If she hadn’t, she had a reason. I wasn’t about to call her on it. “I should get back soon though,” I said. “They’re all watching me. They don’t trust this Stacy girl.”

  “Smart of them,” she said. “That girl’s trouble.”

  “The best type of trouble.” She walked me to the door and we shared a few good night kisses before I left. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” I promised her as she closed the door behind me.

  “You better.” The door clicked shut and I trudged toward the stairwell and the waiting cold night.

  Chapter Two

  I pulled her chair out for her. She rolled her eyes, but still smiled. “Why, thank you. Very kind of you.”

  “Of course, my dear,” I said. Her smile didn’t fade as I sat across from her, lighting up the room and my mood far more than the candle on the table. I couldn’t help but smile back.

  She glanced around before resting her chin on her hands. “This is a nice little place. Where’d you hear about it?”

  “I overheard Max gushing about it, so I asked him. I guess he took Jess here a couple of times and even she approved.”

  “My sister does have good taste in food, at least.” Her smile still wasn’t fading. “This almost feels like a real date. Have we ever had one?”

  “I’m sure we have,” I said as I picked up the menu. “They don’t stand out, with all the crazy other things we get up to. Or down to. However you want to put it. See anything you’re interested in?”

  I jumped as her foot rubbed against my leg. “Obviously.”

  “On the menu. Perv.”

  “You love it.” She picked up her menu and we flipped through them quietly. The candles flickered as waiters glided by. She lowered her menu for a moment and raised her eyebrows. “Just to make sure, you’re paying, right?”

  “Of course. Why?”

  She raised the menu again. I was sure she was hiding a smile. “Wanted to make sure I could order something obscenely expensive.” I hid my own smile. We could tease each other all we wanted about money. My Establishment line of credit was effectively infinite. She wasn’t hurting for money either, as far as I knew. In our little subset of society, finances were the least of our worries. “Think we should order a couple glasses of pricy wine?”

  “I left my fake ID in my other pants.”

  “Should we go back to my apartment and get them?”

  “I don’t think we’d make it back here.”

  “Too true,” she murmured as a waiter appeared at our table. “Good evening!”

  “Good evening to you as well,” he replied. “My name’s Tom, I’ll be your waiter tonight. Could I interest you in some drinks or appetizers, or are you ready to order?”

  We rattled off our orders, including two glasses of wine, which he let slide with a smile. Once he had finished writing everything down, he thanked us and vanished in the way excellent waiters always did. “I hope they’re quick,” I said after he was out of earshot.

  “I know. I’m starving. Don’t they have breadsticks?”

  “Probably. We’ll ask when he comes back with the wine.” I looked back to Star, but my eyes focused on the entrance. “Oh, shit.”

  “What?” She started to look over her shoulder, but I kicked her leg, a little too hard. “Hey!”

  “Sorry. Don’t look. Your sister and Max just walked in.”

  Even in the dim lighting, I could see her face lose color. “You’ve got to be kidding me. What are the odds? What do we do?”

  “I don’t know!”

  “What did you tell him you were doing tonight?”

  I lowered my head, hoping the dim lighting would keep them from noticing us. “Helping you study.”

  “So once they see you here, shit’s going down.” Her face was still pale, but her gaze was focused on me. “Any way we can make an escape?”

  “Not unless you want to make a scene.”

  “Did they notice yet?”

  I kept my head down. “Don’t think so. Looks like they’re still waiting to be seated.”

  “Shit. This’ll have to do.” She pushed a napkin off the table. “Oops!”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Hush.” She pushed her chair back and knelt on the floor, dropping out of my line of sight. The tablecloth shifted slightly and I felt her hand on my knee. People glanced at the disturbance, including Max. Recognition, confusion, then anger crossed his face in rapid succession. He said something to Jess, who turned to look just as blue light flickered from under the table.

  I felt a buzz in the back of my mind as psionic energy flared out. Max and Jess peered in my direction, but then looked at each other. I could see Max’s expression turn back to confusion and Jess started shaking her head. I let out a sigh as Star came out from under the table with an impish smile on her face. “Did you get any ideas while I was down there?”

  I ignored the comment. “What did you do?”

  “I fuzzed their perceptions a bit. They saw someone who looked like you, but obviously wasn’t. It should last long enough for us to finish dinner.”

  I clenched my jaw and tried not to let it bother me. I was trying to be more open with my friends. Using psionics on them wasn’t the right thing to do, but it was the only way to keep them from finding out about Star. The one thin justification I could give myself was she’d done it to them, not me. “All right. Max won’t be able to break it, will he?”

  She shook her head. “Not unless he uses his own power, in which case we’ll both notice, and can do something about it before it gets out of hand.”

  “It’s already there.”

  “Your drinks,” our waiter said, appearing out of nowhere. “And bread and butter. Can I get you anything else?”

  “No, thank you!” Star gave him a syrupy sweet smile. “Unless you can get our orders out here faster. I’m so hungry and everything smells so good.”

  “I’ll see what I can do!”

  “Shameless flirt,” I said as he wandered off.

  “Excuse you. I am not shameless.” I stared at her until she cracked. “Oh, fine, I am, but really!”

  We both laughed and she started in on the bread. Small talk lasted us until our orders arrived. While we ate, I kept an eye on Max and Jess. They were seated a few tables away. Both of them were smiling as well, though I did notice Max glancing in our direction every once in a while. I tried to stop paying attention, but my nerves made me keep looking.

  “The more you look, the more likely he breaks what I did,” Star said, even as she gla
nced toward them as well. I couldn’t imagine how she was feeling. I didn’t think she had actually seen her sister in person ever since leaving home.

  “I don’t like doing that to my friends.”

  “I don’t like doing that to my sister.” Her hand crept across the table to rest on top of mine. I felt her trembling. “But look, Kevin, I have a job here. Sure, we mix pleasure with business as much as possible, but my job is to keep you safe. I will do anything within my power to protect you. Anything. If I have to put one of your friends in a coma to keep you safe, I will, even if it makes you hate me. I’ll put my own sister in a coma if I need to. I’ll hate myself and cry for hours, but I’ll do it. It’s what I’m here for.”

  I locked gazes with her. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  “No.” She withdrew her hand and glanced toward her sister again. “It doesn’t make me feel any better either.”

  I looked down at my plate. “I think I lost my appetite.”

  “Me too.” She flagged down our waiter. “Excuse me, could we box this up? I’m not feeling too well. Thank you!”

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “The only thing you should be sorry for is making me miss dessert.” She smiled, but I could tell it wasn’t as genuine as usual. “To be honest, I’ve been nervous as hell with her here.”

  “I noticed.”

  “I’m going to break down once we’re back at my place.”

  “I might too.”

  Once we had our food boxed up and our bill paid, we left the restaurant without drawing any more attention. I resisted the urge to look back at Max and Jess, even though I was sure Max was watching us leave. We walked down the street to the nearest bus line. Star slipped her hand into mine while we waited. Her grip was tight enough to hurt. The bus ride back to her apartment wasn’t long and we spent it in silence. I was still torn. Max had been through enough psionic bullshit. Bringing him in on the secret would make sense. Star wouldn’t go for it since he’d tell Jess. If I could swear him to secrecy, it would relieve my guilty conscience, though.

  When we exited the stairwell on her floor, we found a woman in a black and red dress leaning against her door. “Shit,” I muttered.

  Absynthe peered over her sunglasses at me. “In,” she said.

  Star silently unlocked the apartment and we filed in after her. My mentor took a seat as if she owned the place and pointed me to the couch. I sat. She leaned toward me. “So, Kevin, do you mind telling me if you’re out of your goddamned mind or what?”

  Her voice was controlled, which told me how furious she was. “What do you mean?”

  “Star used her power.”

  “Come on, she barely used it. No one could have sensed it. Besides, we’d already ordered. Leaving would have been awkward.”

  “Oh, you’d already ordered.” Absynthe nodded and pulled her sunglasses off. “I see. That makes sense. Dinner was ordered, so you couldn’t leave. So what did you get?”

  “Chicken parmesan,” I said.

  “Do you really think chicken parm is worth your fucking life?” Absynthe slapped her palms down on Star’s coffee table.

  “Well, it was the best I’ve ever had.”

  Her knuckles whitened. “So help me Kevin, you’re making me regret agreeing to this plan. We agreed you’d minimize contact. I overlooked your ‘tutoring’ sessions since it kept you happy and we knew where you’d be. I can’t overlook this, though.”

  Star sat next to me. She’d changed her clothes and I’d heard the fridge open and close. “I take responsibility for the incident today, but I did minimize the amount and effect as much as I could.”

  “And yet, here I am,” Absynthe pointed out. “Have you forgotten we have an active security force here? They sensed it. You’re lucky. I was able to log it as a transient flicker from an unidentified latent. Now, remember who we’re up against? A number of Shade’s people are Establishment-trained agents.”

  “Please,” Star said. “I haven’t been in Troy long, but I’ve noticed psionic flickers on a daily basis. Mostly Establishment, but there have been others. It’ll blend into the background noise. No harm done.”

  “You hope.” Absynthe’s voice was cold. “It was an unnecessary risk.”

  “I could tell the people who already know about me,” I said. “Then we wouldn’t have to hide her presence .”

  “No,” both of the women said in unison. “No,” Star repeated. “Definitely an unnecessary risk.”

  “We’re in agreement there,” Absynthe said with a nod. “It’s bad enough they know about your powers in the first place. The more they know, the more attractive they are as targets. Honestly, you might be best off distancing yourself from them.”

  “Not an option,” I said. “If you had your way, I’d be sitting around in a room by myself waiting for Shade to kill me.”

  “That’s not it.” Absynthe sighed. “Look. You took a careless risk. Don’t even argue with me. What I want to know now is how you’re going to act from here on out.”

  Star glanced at me and I shrugged. “I’m going to keep acting the way I have been. There’s no way to completely avoid risks, Absynthe, and I’m not going to hide forever. I’ll minimize risks, and if you have any suggestions about how to do better, I’m all ears, but isolation is not an option.”

  Absynthe’s eyes flickered green for a second. “Are you forgetting I’m your mentor and superior?”

  “Are you going to give me orders?”

  “You are important, Kevin,” she said, stressing the last word. “The Establishment dumped a lot of resources into training you and keeping you safe. Todd’s people are risking their lives to protect you now. You may not have asked for any of this, but you owe your life to a lot of people, and the least you can do is be careful.”

  “Like I said, I’m open to suggestions about minimizing risks.” I looked over at Star. “And I think we’ll be ok with less dates like this. Right?”

  She shrugged. “Don’t look at me. You’re doing it to keep her happy, not me.”

  “I’m trying to keep us both safe.”

  “I can handle keeping us both safe, period.”

  “Star.” Absynthe’s tone was cold again. “We both have the same goal. We both have to make a few compromises.”

  “Sure, but you don’t need to compromise your feelings in the process.”

  “Be that as it may, I need you to uphold your end of the agreement between our people.”

  I sighed and leaned back. “It’d honestly be easiest to tell everyone.”

  “You have that option,” Absynthe said. “But you would be increasing the risk to your friends without lessening your own risk. And if Star is so adamant about her sister, it won’t resolve anything.”

  “It’s a non-negotiable point,” Star replied.

  “Well, what else can I do? Promise to be more careful? Try to find out where my roommates are before going anywhere? Wear a wig when I go out in public?”

  “You already know my recommendation,” Absynthe said. “But as you have made it clear you won’t listen, I’ll leave it there. Understand, Star, I’m letting this incident slide, but not again. Neither of you displayed good judgment and if that continues, I will ask Todd to separate you.”

  “You would be making a mistake,” Star said.

  The two women stared at each other until Absynthe stood up. “I believe I’ve made my point.”

  “I believe you have.”

  “Kevin, do you want a ride back to campus?”

  I looked at Star. She nodded. “It’s late, you should get back.”

  “All right.” I leaned in and kissed her. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “You better.”

  Absynthe led the way to her car in silence. Once we were moving, she started talking. “Kevin. Everything I said was absolutely serious. You understand?”

  “I’m not going to give up everything good in my life to stay safe,” I said.

  “I’m not asking you to give things up. I’m asking you to not take risks. Besides, this is only until we can resolve the situation with Shade.”

  “You mean kill him.”

  “Or otherwise neutralize him.”

  “Kill him.” I clenched my fists until my fingernails left crescent marks in my palms.

  “Killing out of hand isn’t the way we do things.”